


Hipbones

by orphan_account



Series: YOUTUBE RPF [3]
Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, M/M, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 03:17:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7960366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh uh hey there<br/>Ms. Believer spawned this FYI<br/>ALSO I hope I wrote Anorexia well<br/>I've been musing with this idea for a while and Galty just fit<br/>I've had personal experiences with Anorexia so yea<br/>I hope you liked it!!</p></blockquote>





	Hipbones

If you had to ask John what he loved the most about himself, he would most likely blush and shy away from the question, or jokingly say 'My sense of humor!' However, if he was being honest, he could tell you about his hipbones. Not a song or picture or word in the world could describe how he felt about them. They were very visible, poking out. He often felt himself running his thumbs over them. They made him feel better, safer.  
John had, for a while, been overweight, so when he had begun to lose weight, he found the two bones on either side of his body magical. He was constantly feeling them, content with them. Yet, he began to doubt himself, a fear creeping into his mind that the bones would get lost again, that he'd gain too much weight. He desperately wanted the hipbones to poke out more.

At first it was fine, because of Anthony. The way Anthony's slightly calloused hands gripped his hipbones whenever they made love only secured his love of the bones. Still, it would all be alright. Anthony wouldn't let him lose them.

One day, as John was looking in the mirror after a shower, his breath caught in his throat. The bumps that signified his hipbones were smaller, as if they were beginning to disappear. His mind filled with irrational fear blocked out his common sense and he, at dinner, excused himself with a smile, saying he wasn't hungry. He couldn't let Anthony find out. Anthony might not love him anymore.

Whenever Anthony recorded, John would tell him that he was heading out to eat, then drive the car to the park. He knew exercise was healthy, so he did laps and pushups for an hour and a half, before cooling off in the car then driving home. He usually dismissed dinner, saying he ate a big lunch, but, no matter what, Anthony made sure he had breakfast.

The days seemed to run together, with John's recording schedule becoming a bit out of order. John told himself that he was ready to look in the mirror and, when he did, found that his jeans were sagging. He ignored it, staring at his hipbones. They were beautiful, shining, and sticking out. He ran his hands over them for the first time in weeks and felt at home. In bed, Anthony seemed to notice them, causing John's heart to swell with pride. However, Anthony wasn't smiling. John was confused, and began to panic as Anthony started crying silently, holding John close to his chest. John wanted to ask if Anthony was alright, but Anthony started talking first.  
"John... I-... O-Oh god...", he whispered, the tears coming faster now. John frantically searched his brain, wondering if he had done something wrong.  
"John... John. I... Wh-Why didn't y-you tell me?" Before John could ask what Anthony was referring to, Anthony hugged him more tightly, sobbing now.  
"I-I... I love you, no matter what, alright John? A-Alright?" John frowned, telling himself that Anthony was just lying to make him feel better, that his hip bones weren't good enough. He told himself that his hipbones were still too small, and that his hipbones were why Anthony was crying. John mentally berated himself, feeling like he should have known.  
"John. John, p-please tell me you know. Please. J-John, oh god..." John felt ashamed, all of his pride slipping away. He suddenly knew what was going to happen. Anthony was going to tell everyone. They would all know that his hipbones weren't good enough. He would be an outcast, unloved. John's fight or flight instincts activated and he started to hyperventilate, curling up, so afraid. Afraid of everyone knowing. Fear wracked through him, eating him up from the inside out like a disease.

John didn't talk to Anthony for three days. Those three days were spent at home, sometimes in the bathroom, but usually in their bedroom, Anthony desperately trying to coax John to eat. Each time, John said nothing, knowing that Anthony was testing his strength. Anthony would persist for upwards of six hours, before breaking into sobs and hugging the stone cold John. No videos were posted and, when others messaged either of them, they received only an ambiguous response written by a crying Anthony.  
On the fourth day, Anthony didn't come to their room to try to get John to eat. John, alone in the room, finally felt more peaceful. He told himself that he had passed the test, and that all tears would only be tears of joy from now on.  
At four P.M. on the fourth day, he heard a distant knock on the front door, then hushed talking. After a few minutes, someone John didn't recognize came into the room.  
"Hello there, John! My name is Sandra. I'd just like to talk to you. Is that alright?" John nodded slowly, scooting over to give the woman more space to sit on the bed. She sat down slowly, before looking at John with a beaming smile.  
"Oh! You have quite big muscles. Do you work out?" Blushing, John nodded, before hesitantly adding on.  
"Y-Yeah... I've been upping the time every day. I started out with an hour and a half, but now it is around three hours..." The woman nodded, before sighing.  
"It has been nice outside... Do you get out a lot? The weather has been perfect recently." Thinking, John slowly shook his head 'No'. The woman laughed.  
"You're more of a stay indoors type? My daughter is just like that! She loves playing video games or watching YouTubers. What about you?" At the mention of YouTube, John's eyes light up.  
"O-Oh! Yeah, I'm, uh, actually a YouTuber myself! I play a ton of video games..."  
"Do you really like it?"  
"U-Uh... Yeah..." Sandra gained a thoughtful expression, before once again smiling.  
"So, John, Anthony has told me that you've been trying to lose weight?" John's pupils narrowed, but he nodded slowly.  
"Well, that is a good goal if you are overweight, but, John, you look perfectly skinny to me! Do you think there is a reason you are still trying to lose weight?" There it was. John knew it was coming. He needed to explain to this Sandra that his hipbones were important to him, that they kept him safe, but he only managed to whisper 'My hipbones...' Sandra's expression became more serious.  
"Well, would it be alright with you if you showed me your hipbones?" John quickly shook his head 'No', eyes widening with fear.  
"It is fine if you don't want to. Do you find yourself filled with fear a lot, John, like you don't want to gain weight?" John stayed silent for a few minutes before nodding. Sandra pressed her lips together before continuing.  
"John, that worries me, and it worries Anthony as well. Both of us, as well as all of your friends, care about you."  
"...I know...", John whispered.  
"You don't need to not eat for us a to love you, John. We love you because you're you, alright?" John slowly nodded, holding back tears.

Sandra had left, but she gave Anthony a small notebook. He came into their room and sat next to John, explaining that they would log in the book all of the times John ate, and that Anthony would always make healthy, good tasting meals. John, in a rare moment of sanity, told Anthony that he would try as hard as he could to be strong for Anthony because he loved him. Anthony, choking up with tears, hugged him tightly, a wavering smile on his lips.  
"That would be enough."

**Author's Note:**

> Oh uh hey there  
> Ms. Believer spawned this FYI  
> ALSO I hope I wrote Anorexia well  
> I've been musing with this idea for a while and Galty just fit  
> I've had personal experiences with Anorexia so yea  
> I hope you liked it!!


End file.
